Where Am I Going?

I spent a good portion of this morning talking about vision, the kind you plan with, not the kind you see with. I was trying to explain and teach this concept to 7th and 8th graders at what was my 1st sub placement, and my first day getting paid to use my degree. But really, the lesson I feel, was more important for me to hear, than their wiggle ears could even understand.
I'm a new college grad, my career path opening up in front of me to a world of waiting for phone calls, praying for interviews, and hoping with fingers crossed for call backs. I have nothing solid in my future, my vision, however is what I have to hold onto.
Some moments I feel like I've come along way, like the days of starving myself so near death I didn't know if I was capable of walking up stairs are long gone, like the days of tears so heavy and so deep I can't get out of bed are a thing of the past. And others, I feel like that little girl, weak and afraid of the future. The other days are getting smaller, and I'm realizing that when I'm doing what I love I'm a much stronger person.
This is where my vision comes in, where the vision to provide students with an education and a future and a safe learning environment is so important; not just for the children that will soon be entering into a classroom all my own, but for myself and my future. I believe that every student has a right and desire to be successful, and that if they are not reaching that goal there is a roadblock in the way. It is my job as a teacher to help them discover that roadblock, remove or navigate around it, in a safe way that allows for them to view failure as an oppurtunity for growth.

I've lost -- I've gained -- I've lost again.
Yet somehow in the midst of it all, I'm starting to find myself again.
Remembering life beyond calories and life beyond pounds.
Remembering when I cared so much about others, and so little about my apperance.

There is a spring returning to my step, a smile on my face, remembering who I am and what makes my heart beat. Remembering there are things you love -- things besides finding the balance between intake and excerise.

Embracing them.
Admitting them.
And most of all, allowing myself to enjoy them.

-- with love, Zoe